The Catholic Conscience as Moral Compass: Media Discernment for Families
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No doubt about it, this is a challenging culture in which to raise Catholic families. So, what’s a parent to do when encountering the constant values-clash from the media? For the sake of our families, we must actively discern what is best for our families when it comes to use of the media, especially when it comes to entertainment. In general, we need to evaluate such things on a case by case basis, based on the content or perceived content of a film (or whatever) and make a conscientious judgment as to whether we let our children engage it or not.
I recommend parents subscribe to the wisdom of St. Paul: “Test everything; hold fast to what is good, abstain from every form of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5: 21-22.) Based on my own experience, as a mother and as a media professional, some broad suggestions are given below. I’ve tried to provide a context in which you might develop your own “family media standards.” I’ve also tried to share what has honestly “worked” in our family. You can take it or leave it. But whatever you choose to do, always pray about how your family chooses to respond to media, and seek the Lord’s leading in holding fast “to what is good.”
Catholic parents are charged with the task and moral responsibility of being the primary educators of their children.
The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to find an adequate substitute. It is therefore the duty of parents to create a family atmosphere inspired by love and devotion to God and their fellow-men which will promote an integrated, personal and social education of their children. The family is therefore the principal school of the social virtues which are necessary to every society. In fact education is the parents' domain insofar as their educational task continues the generation of life; moreover, it is an offering of their humanity to their children to which they are solemnly bound in the very moment of celebrating their marriage. Parents are the first and most important educators of their children, and they also possess a fundamental competency in this area: they are educators because they are parents.
---Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality, par. 23.[A 1995 document from the Pontifical Council for the Family. [To read more, go here .]
Explicitly this means taking an active interest in anything that has an outside influence on your child. Implicitly this means we take seriously the task of helping our children form a Christian conscience to bring about social virtues. In short, everything children learn from their parents, family members, peers, schooling, culture, and media either adds to conscience formation or tears it down.
We encounter and experience media as a kind of “educational value,” which of course, can be positive or negative. Everything we take in from the media through our senses can be broadly categorized as “media content” or “media intake”. All media is a message. This covers the media gamut: books and other print media, television, radio, music, computer and video images both on the internet and video games, and, of course, movies. All of it has specific content that we take in and interpret.
All media influences in one way or another and has the power to produce change in those who receive the message. While there are countless examples of media’s influence for good or ill, here’s just one on the negative side concerning children: “Media violence affects children's behavior states the American Medical Association, American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, American Academy of Family Physicians, and American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (Congressional Public Health Summit, 2000). [Source: National Institute on Media and the Family; http://www.mediafamily.org/facts/facts_vlent.shtml .]”
So, in the name of equipping families in engaging the media culture, may I suggest the following three steps that parents can take when it comes to discerning appropriate media content for their families: parents can be protective, selective, or elective.
With each developmental stage in a child’s life, only you, the parent, can truly determine what choice is appropriate for your child. When a child is small, we are openly protective, (which is the strictest stage.) As children mature, parents make the shift to being less strict, but still selective—all the while teaching youngsters how to be selective and discerning for themselves. Once again, conscience formation is the proper orientation. Our ultimate goal is to raise wise young adults who are elective—with properly formed consciences—capable of making free choices that reflect what is good while avoiding evil.
Being protective, selective, and eventually, elective, varies by the age and needs of each child. Such formation of conscience is a process; it is good to avoid extremes. Excessive permissiveness or unlimited access to media, as well as complete rejection of the media can have negative long-term effects. The goal is to have parents seek to form in their child a conscience that can make a balanced response to all media intake for the sake of their own good, and certainly, to “avoid evil.” To that end, parents must be involved and engaged in the life of their child to varying degrees as a child grows.
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For the youngest children, up until about the age of reason—around 7—for most children: a parent must be the most protective regarding media intake. During the protective years, a parent will most likely strive to monitor everything a child is exposed to. Nothing your child watches or reads or plays should escape your protective and sheltering gaze and interpretation. Children may choose their books, TV shows, computer and video games, or movies from within the collection that meets with your approval.
It is here that you as a parent lay the foundation. It is here that you are guardian, defender, and most likely, the source of all truth. It is here that you establish boundaries and norms for your child. This usually means avoiding content dealing with sex, violence, moral deviance, pornography, and profanity.
At these tender ages, you introduce simple concepts about God and His Love, while discussing Bible stories and their meanings. (Certainly, other stories may certainly fit within the “criteria” as being “good” as well.) In short, this is what you will draw on in the years to come. You lead by example, as well, when it comes to limiting exposure to media.
And if your little ones are in the care of others, you make your media “guidelines” known to their caregivers.
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In the grade school years – ages 7-10, your child explores the wider world of media—but now it is together as parent and child. This is what I call the selective years. This is when you begin to give your child the language and the normsthey need to develop a discerning ear, eye, and mind to the content of all they hear, see, and consider. You are still very much monitoring their media intake, still managing what’s appropriate and what’s not, but now you take a different tact: you deliberately engage their mind and heart.
You are taking the next step in their conscience formation. You still talk about God and Bible stories, but with an emphasis on how the Ten Commandments and the Sermon on the Mount apply to morality. You may also add to their knowledge of the faith through religious education and offering the lives of the saints (and others) as heroic role models.
You model being selectively discerning to your child by your own example, and by showing loving concern for what is said and heard. You discuss media content from the standpoint of moral choices and moral courage. You look for “teachable moments.” Some of which can be planned around a media activity, or some which just happen spontaneously as you encounter the world around you. Specifically, you ask your child engaging questions and discuss the answers. For example: What would you have done in that situation? How could the character make a better choice? What does the story remind you of? What mistakes were made? Who was the bravest, kindest, strongest, or most loving? What was good/holy/pure? What was bad/evil/depraved? Did you hear those words, and do you know what they mean? Who made sacrifices and why? What did it cost them? Who took the easy way out? What did that mean? Would you like to see it, read it, or play it again? And if so, why or why not?
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In middle school—ages 11- 14, the real work of media discernment for parents begins. These are the years when a child’s peer group really makes a difference—for better or worse—in the tastes and exposure your children have to all forms of media. And the influence from peers is a mixed bag—some are still very immature emotionally, and some are entering into puberty and thinking they are very mature. And many of the children your child meets may have had little to no Christian influence in their homes.
If you have built foundations in the earlier years, most likely, your children will respect the guidelines you have set regarding the kinds of media content you allow. They will begin to have a “gut” knowledge—a sense of right and wrong even when they are out of your sight—that’s their conscience starting to “kick in.” But, these continue to be years to teach selective discernment. Again, your example speaks volumes. Once in a while, you may have to pull “the protective plug” on something altogether. But if you do, suggest alternatives. You'll see I emphatically recommend this again later on.
Since media is available at every turn at this age, it becomes harder to screen it all. This is usually the point where you might have to rely on other sources to help you sort out which books, music, movies, TV, and video games are appropriate. Over the years, I have used the Dove Foundation for movies reviews and content (at http://www.dove.org/default.asp ), the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops movie reviews (at http://www.usccb.org/movies/), and Focus on the Family’s “Plugged-in” for movies, music and more (at http://www.pluggedinonline.com/), among others.
I also value the opinion of a few trusted Christian friends with similar parenting styles to recommend and share media. In a similar way I have consulted faithful Catholic school teachers and homeschoolers for quality, recommended reading for different ages.
The bottom line is: researching media entertainment is commonplace when your child is in middle school. So, here are a few more suggestions that have helped us: besides the resources above, use the internet, the library, and the stores that sell media products.
To review a film, go to the film’s website, see the trailers, or read reviews. My favorite site for movie content details in http://www.dove.org/ as listed above, but if you can’t find what you are looking for there, remember that every major film does its own promotional ads on the internet. View it yourself. Then do a “gut check”… see how you feel about it. If something nags at you, don’t bother letting your child see it. But offer an alternative movie if possible… and if you can’t, here’s a suggestion: at our house, sometimes a movie night turned into a night at the batting cages or a Frisbee game at the beach instead. Again, your input and engagement as a parent is critical. Finding alternatives really helps strengthen the parent-teen relationship in those difficult moments. When you have to say “no” to something, give your clear reasons why, and then suggest what you can say “yes” to! This, of course, might mean you have to be “on call” to help make the new plan happen, but it helps solidify in your teens mind that you have their best interest at heart.
For book content, it always helps to read a book in advance of your child, but that is often impossible. Check out www.Amazon.com and other book sites. Often you can read a chapter or two and make a determination, again on your “gut check.” Again, ask around. Go to the library or bookstore. Your local librarian is often a wealth of knowledge, especially on teen literature. Don’t forget trusted teachers! I also try to skim books that are assigned reading from school and talk about the content with my child.
My husband and I read. We buy books that we like approve of and keep them on the shelves at home for our teen readers.
Last but not least, many teen-targeted magazines sold on the racks in local stores are often filled with materialistic and over-sexualized messages in terms of content, and are best ignored.
Music can be a real danger zone. Proceed with caution! Likes and tastes vary. But in our house, we use the same context as before—it all has an influence, so we only listen and buy what is good. Years back, I used to make trips to the music store to review the current music. (Often I went without my kids, so I could freely scrutinize something, listen to a demo, and form an opinion.) Tuning into radio that is popular with young people is also helpful. And those are still options for parents who want to research modern musical selections. However, with the advent of iPods and mp3 players, online music purchases from home are more and more common. Kids download music without having to ask parents to drive them to the store. (And often can do so without a parent’s notice.) Review their selections—especially if you are paying for them! I review the downloaded music library on the family computer.
In the middle school years, (before real access to paying jobs influenced their media-buying power), I told my kids that I’d pay for all the Christian music they wanted to buy. Anything outside of that, they had to pay for with their own money. It was amazing how suddenly the “must-have” tunes could wait… and just as amazing how much I spent on Christian artists!
To review video games and computer games, nothing is more eye-opening than for a parent to go to the store where the games are sold. Besides what you can glean from the labeling and ratings, I suggest you talk to one of the employees in the games department. All the big game stores have them: guys who can tell you everything about every “level” in the game, right down to the overtly explicit content (soft-porn and gratuitous violence) in the games rated “M” for mature, but also sometimes in games rated “T” for teens. Don’t be afraid to question them.
Finally, do whatever it takes to filter out pornography and unacceptable cable channels via your internet and cable connections. This takes time and effort and money. Be a selective consumer, and when you pay your bill related to interconnectivity, tell your internet and cable providers your preferences and why. In our home, we were able to put off using a cable connection until our oldest entered seventh grade. By middle school, in our region of the country, internet access and computer usage is now a “given” in education and getting connected was better than constant trips to the public library 5 miles away. But it demanded due diligence on our part as parents regarding media intake.
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Beyond age 14 and into high school, the media content question moves from selective to elective. (Here we define “elective” as a self-choice with appropriate boundaries. It is not a license for immorality.) Here, the teen is electing what they’d like to watch, read or listen to, but it is still subject to discussion by parents. Healthy input regarding the morality issues in media is still commonplace. But here is where the parent must begin to test their teenager’s discernment abilities. High school is a time for them to learn to govern their media choices, just as it is time for them to make other important moral choices related to relationships, behavior, academics and activities.
In our house, if we saw a teen was consistently making good media choices, we allowed them more freedom to continue to do so. If a teen was still showing immaturity regarding appropriate choices, the opposite took place. And if that outcome was rejected by the teen, we parents had to be strong enough to take the heat, while still maintaining a loving posture toward that teen. This means that there are still times when a parent must say no to teen’s elective choice if it is absolutely warranted.
The point is, by the time teens enter high school, what the “family standard” is for media content should not be a surprise. It should be something that is in place and regarded by all.
In general, for teens, R-rated music, videos, books and movies were off-limits, and even some PG-13 based on theme. Again, selectivity must be grounded by faith and morals.
Now, what I propose next may sound controversial, or, even a discounting of what I’ve just offered in terms of a family media standard, but hear me out… I have found that my teens’ limited exposure to certain morally objectionable themes in movies, or television—pre-selected and simultaneously viewed by my husband or myself with our teens—have allowed us to have useful and on-going conversations about important moral topics with our teens. Remember that St. Paul says to “test everything”? In this way, we have used movies and television as a teaching tool to discuss Christian values that were either present or absent in the program. Judiciously used, it can be part of the testing ground to see how far our teens have come in moral development. It is a way of engaging the media together while helping to continue conscience formation. Again, these are judgments we made based on the maturity of the teen, and the theme of the movie or program. This is not tacit approval of immorality and we make this clear—but here we try to remind them our moral standards, and help them in identifying evil and immorality found both overtly or covertly in media. You might say that this approach is in some ways like using the negative experiences of others to help us avoid our own negative experiences later. We use these as “teachable moments”—as appropriate to age and maturity—in much the same way that we discuss items events in the news. Even the negatives you come across in media can be used to help teens distinguish the good and avoid evil. And these are precisely the discernment skills we want to form in our teens for the sake of their futures. Let’s move on.
Your family media standards may also include some “house rules” as to when and where media is enjoyed. For example, all teens taking in media content on the home television or computer screens, or anything playing aloud, must not adversely influence the younger children in the house. So, if thematically the content is appropriate for an 18 year old to watch or hear, but his younger 11 year old brother is in the room, it had to be appropriate for the younger brother. In other words, the age appropriateness of family viewing is always based on the youngest family member present. This might mean teens need to do their watching or listening after the younger one is in bed at night, or some other time parents deem appropriate.
If you think that this implies that teens should not have televisions and computers in there bedrooms, you are right. This may be an unpopular idea, but in our home, our family media standard means that personal televisions and computers are not an option until one goes to college. At times, we have resorted to a second, portable screen for younger sibs to watch something different when it conflicted with a major sports event that the older ones wanted to watch, but that’s about it. I have impressed the idea to my older teens that their examples (including media selections) had an influence over their younger sibs. And that they needed to be respectful of the family media guidelines we share.
Remember that the messages in media have the power to change someone, and that can be for good or for ill. No one is immune. Be especially sensitive to the easy access to pornography via the internet. One can even accidentally be exposed to it. Even with the best firewalls and internet filters, new and insidious pop-ups and enticing ads can continue to find access points to your desktop. Click on the “history” button on your web browser and see where your teens have been. This is not spying or a privacy issue. You are paying for this computer and you have an obligation to protect and defend the dignity of the persons who use it. You are making sure that the computer is a tool for good and not for evil.
One last important point: for middle-school and high-school aged teens, media-related entertainment is often their recreational default. It takes a lot of planning, (and, at times, financing) to suggest other forms of entertainment. It means a parent must be engaged in a caring hands-on way. During these years, we have done our best to suggest non-media activities for our teens and their friends: cultural outings, adventures outdoors, a day in the city or country, museums, sports, picnics, flea markets, biking, hiking, community service, pool parties, game nights, local festivals and shows, cooking for “fun”, crafts, camping, church youth group, anything that engages the mind and body, and fosters communication between persons, without the need to be plugged in, tuned in, or logged on!
©2007 Patricia W. Gohn
posted by Pat Gohn at
5:49 AM
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